Yesterday was a prime example. Hailey and I were having lunch with a dear friend that I had not seen in years. Her back was toward a large group of business men and women, therefore, Hailey and I were facing them. Three women spent a better part of 30 minutes staring at Hailey, whispering and talking. It was evident who they were talking about, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. At one point, I almost picked Hailey up and introduced her to them (my husband thinks I am a little too bold). I didn't even care what they were saying at that point....they were making me uncomfortable. There were no smiles...just whispers. 40 year old women should be considerate enough to smile while staring at someone's child. Hailey wasn't misbehaving...she was simply eating her lunch...nothing out of the ordinary. No food throwing...no tantrum...no yelling. I can't really explain the feeling when someone has singled out your child and stares. Without saying a single word...those women hurt me. They made me sad for my daughter because stares will probably be a part of her world forever.
I realize I was in a small town. Seeing a small child with Down syndrome is not as big of an occurrence in a town with 15,000 as it is in the metro area we live in with a population of just over 2 million. I teach my children not to stare at people....you would think 40 year old women would know basic manners.
So today, I'm spending the day trying to get out of my funk. Trying to put those women and their hard stares out of my mind and focus on my beautiful little girl with the contagious giggles and smiles.
Some of my regular readers might enjoy pics of Hailey with her new cousin. After all the practicing with her doll....she didn't do "too" bad with baby Jax. She "might" have bounced him a "little" too hard in the bouncy seat, but she definitely loves him!
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| This is her new look...head tilted with a grin....apparently it gets her whatever she wants! |
I would be upset too and I also would have been tempted to go introduce myself to the ladies! I find myself getting bolder with age. Love seeing Hailey with her little cousin. My sister is having a baby in October. I wonder what Ben will think?
ReplyDeleteI always do the "would have", "should have", "could have" after the fact. I might have felt better if I did introduce her :-) I know you do not have any dolls...you might want to find a boy doll and start working with "babies" :-)
DeleteYou totally should have introduced her! I can't believe they just whispered and stared - so rude.
ReplyDeleteHailey looks like she's having fun with baby Jax! It's a good thing she was there to show him how the bouncy seat works. :)
Good thing he didn't just finish a bottle...poor little guy!
DeleteWhat jerks. I would have introduced her too. Maybe... Maybe not. But I'd be tempted to say something like, "It looks like you were so interested in my daughter, that I thought you'd enjoy meeting her...". Look how big she is next to her cousin. And she is standing up so well! Very impressed!
ReplyDeleteI always wish I would have done something "after" the fact! Instead I sulk in my funk :-) Standing we are getting good at, but never brave enough to let go and not interested at all in walking yet.
DeleteOh man, I could have written this post myself! Some days the stares don't bother me, but some days they hurt deeply...And I hate the whispers more than anything. My son is not a freak show...But when people stare without smiling, then whisper and stare some more that's what it feels like. And it hurts to know the stares will always be there...Hopefully as Russell gets older I will toughen up and not let it bother me so much.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking I will get tougher and then yesterday popped up and I wasn't ready for it. I'm much better today but I really wish I would have introduced Hailey to them!
DeleteI haven't really encountered the look - yet. In my mind, I would have been tempted to introduce her, but would I really have done it? I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI don't get it much at home, but where they live is very closed-minded. My sister-in-law and her husband are a biracial couple and she says they still get looks everywhere they go. Some people just stare at anything that doesn't fit into their "perfect".
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ReplyDeleteMy advice: next time go over to them and introduce yourself - and Hailey. I wonder what their reaction would have been when you said, "I noticed you were interested in Hailey. She loves meeting new people, so I thought I would bring her over to meet you all." My other piece of advice: Don't own other people's ignorance. It is hard to do, but I remember that there was a time when I was ignorant of what it meant to have a child with DS. My perception was SO WRONG. I am so thankful that I was able to have that changed. Focus on the many, many times that strangers have come up to you and commented on how lovely she is, or how adorable she looked. Quite frankly that kid has a smile that could stop traffic! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI wish I would have said something to them. I have a friend that thinks I over-reacted and that I'm not sure why they were staring. Unfortunately, through this journey, I have gotten good at reading people. I like that...don't own other people's ignorance...I might have to share that one! Yes, I was also ignorant before Hailey as well. I feel like I owe others a public apology! Thanks...I think she could stop traffic, too!
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