The Hailey Herald

The Hailey Herald

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Life as #3

Sometimes being the 3rd isn't too bad.

Hailey didn't seem to be too upset to get Ian's hand-me-down tonight.  I think she rather enjoyed his ice cream "leftover".






Tuesday, October 21, 2014

No More Babies

Did Hailey having Down syndrome affect the number of children we decided to have?  I have had several people insinuate that Hailey is the last because she has Down syndrome.  The answer to that question is a loud, clear, firm "NO".  We were planning on Hailey being our last child regardless of green hair, brown eyes, boy or girl, Down syndrome or not.  When we thought about having #3, we were on the fence.  We loved the boys, but weren't quite sure if our family was complete.  We left the decision up to God.  We were blessed with a pregnancy right away and saw that as our sign that our family wasn't complete.  With me being 35, we were very reserved with sharing our news.  We were excited but guarded.  I'm not sure why.

About 9 weeks into the pregnancy, I started having symptoms of a miscarriage.  It, of course, was a Sunday (none of my stuff ever happens during office hours).  I stayed at home and watched TV, trying not to let the boys know how upset I was.  Jason thought I was over reacting, but I knew.  I had horrible morning sickness up until that point and that morning I woke up with all of it gone.  Not a trace.  We went into the office at 7:30 the next morning and had the tech confirm that there was no heartbeat.  I saw more pregnant women leaving that office that day than I think I ever have in my life!  After a few days, my body took care of the miscarriage, but it left my heart empty and hurt. 

We had so many discussions after that.  We were both on the same page that we were positive that we wanted another baby this time, but neither of us could handle another miscarriage.  The emotions were so raw.  The heartache to real and too fresh.  Well, the next time happened as quick as the first so we didn't have much time to change our minds.  We had an early ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy (due to miscarrying the time before).  When we first started the tech looked at me and asked "have you had any issues, spotting, cramping?".  Jason and I exchanged looks and I started to cry.  I responded, "No, why?"  I was fully expecting her to tell us that the pregnancy wasn't viable or something.  Her comment, "Oh, no reason.  I just didn't know why you were in here."  Rage set in at the moment.  I wanted to scream at her.  Filter, people....read a chart!  Then, on the screen, there it was....our little peanut with a strong beating heart.  I cried for what seemed like forever.  There is was...my last child.  I held my breath most of her pregnancy.  I was so fearful that I was going to lose her.  So paranoid that it was going to end.  I had zero reason to have those fears (other than my previous miscarriage).  I was more fit than I had been with the previous pregnancies...I was healthier than I had been before and I felt better than I had before.  That last pregnancy was exactly how I want to remember being pregnant. 

We had every intention of Hailey being our last child....that was all decided well before we even knew she had Down syndrome.  We have never wavered on that.  Trust me...this one is giving me a run for my money...I'm too old to chase after another one after her!!!


I had to share this picture of Hailey from tonight at Target.  I was "that" mother.  Yes, she is in her pjs (no one noticed.  Everyone complimented her on her outfit).  No, she doesn't have shoes on (thought we had a pair in the car).  Yes, we are shopping for shoes (would you expect anything else?)  That smile happened right after I agreed to buy her a pair of sparkly shoes!

Monday, October 20, 2014

Enough

After the "newness" of Hailey having Down syndrome wore off, I was overcome by a new fear.  Not that my daughter was broken or that there was anything wrong with her.  I wasn't worried about her being good enough for our family, but concerned about me.  What if I wasn't good enough for my daughter?  What if I couldn't do what is best for her?  What if she needed someone stronger?  What if she needed someone with more background with children with special needs?  What if we can't give her everything she needs?  What if she needed a mom with more patience?  What if she needed to be an only child?  Was I enough?

Occasionally, over the past few years, Those fears come back.  Are we doing enough for her?  Do we need to push her harder? Are we getting her involved in enough activities?  Do we need to do more?  Should we do more flashcards, should we get outside more, do we need more playdates?  Do we need more formal therapy?  The list goes on and on and on.

These questions come on a slippery slope.  If I let them consume me, they can lead me down a path of depression and despair.  It can take a hold of your soul and not let go.  It can make you feel useless.  It can make you feel unworthy.  Fortunately, I have a fabulous support group, both locally and in the cyber world.

These wonderful moms and women have assured me I am enough.  God chose Hailey to join this family.  This family with a mom who is borderline OCD (good news, Hailey does know how to unload the dishwasher and clean up a mess :-), a dad who has a job that involves some traveling and long hours, and two brothers who "need" to play a sport every season.  We are a family unit, everyone's time and interests are taken into consideration.  Each child has a role.  Each child gets their time.  No one child dictates all the free time of the rest of the family.  They are all equal.  We do what works for our family as a whole.   There is no right or wrong answer.  There is no right or wrong approach to therapy.  We do our best.  That is enough because it is all we can do.

So the answer is...Yes, I am enough for Hailey.

I have no good pics to share today, but here are a couple from last week.  We were at the high school and she was quite animated and telling me a some long story.







Friday, October 17, 2014

Foto Friday - Halloween

I have friends joke that my children have more holiday apparel than anyone they have known.  In looking back at Hailey's past photos...they might be right.  Here are a few Halloween clothes from the past couple of years....



















This one is a little blurry...she wouldn't stand still.

Even Halloween pjs - Minnie Mouse



Thursday, October 16, 2014

Faces of Ds

I love showcasing the beautiful people that play such a large role in our lives.  There were so many that I couldn't possibly overload everyone with that much beauty in one post.  I decided to separate it between local friends and non-local.  I originally was going to call the second group cyber friends, but that's not true.  I have met many of them in real life and a couple of them are friends from my high school.  I am so lucky to know the families of these wonderful individuals.

Abby & Bailey

Abby - 365 Days of Abby
Alex

Avery - Life with My Girls

Ben & Faith

Ben

Breanna

Calvin - Ailts Family


Camden


Claire

Cora - Our Cora Bean

Ellie - My Stubborn Little Miss

Ellie - The Chronicles of Ellie Bellie Bear

Fiona


Jacob

Jake

Joella

Kamdyn - Life is Beautiful

Kate

Kennedy


Lexi & Lila

Lily - A Perfect Lily


Logan

Lucy

Madison

Marley

Moxie - A Little Moxie

Ollie - The House that Jade Built

Owen

Pip

Russell

Sammi

Seth