The Hailey Herald

The Hailey Herald

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Dare to Dream

In the moments after we heard, "I believe your daughter has Down syndrome", a great deal of hopes and dreams vanished.  You have to remember, these were all based on very old "opinions" and ignorance.  I automatically assumed that Hailey would live with us forever and automatically assumed she would not attend college or have a career.  Without a doubt, I thought that was her future....living forever with my husband and I (which is fine if that is what happens).  Slowly over time, I realized that there are many adults with Ds living on their own, living with roommates, getting married and yes, attending college.  Most of the blogs I follow have little ones that are only 6 months to a couple of years older than Hailey.  They helped me tremendously because they helped me see that some of the issues we were struggling with were just phases and she would move onto something else.

Then last year, I started following a blog written by Gary (Margaret) Bender.  I was intrigued because her daughter, Alex, is a young adult with Down syndrome (you can read more about Alex's adventures here).  I will admit that in reading Gary's blog and through some of her comments on Facebook, she has frightened me about some of the issues of a teen with Down syndrome.  She has made me think about a part of life I had automatically shut out for Hailey.  Her daughter, Alex, voiced her opinion and her family listened!  Alex wanted to attend college like her siblings and that IS exactly what she is doing!!!  Alex traveled to Ohio (her parents live in Colorado) this week to attend orientation at the University of Cincinnati.  In the fall, Alex will live on campus while mom and dad stay in Colorado.  I don't know how many of you will ever understand what this means to me.  It absolutely frightens me to send my two boys away to college.  I can't in 100 million years dream of sending Hailey that far.  

From day 1, I've underestimated my daughter.  I've underestimated her drive, her persistence, her need to keep up with her brothers.  She has always surpassed every goal we have made for her with early intervention.  For example, last week, Hailey's homework was to add two words or two signs, she's added 5 (and they've all been spoken words...not signs!)  So why did I automatically remove so many dreams from her future.  I can't predict what will happen in 18-20 years with Hailey no more than I can with the boys.  But watching Gary and Alex live out a dream that I closed, has brought so many happy tears to my eyes.  It scares me and excites me at the same time.  I'm so excited to read about Alex's college adventures (as many as she will actually share with her mom...she is a college student, you know!)

I can't wait until Hailey gets older and starts to share her dreams with us.  Who knows where they will lead her?


Another new "skill" Hailey is working on....apparently clothes are now optional :-)


 

13 comments:

  1. Nice. And adorable braids! I find I have to be careful not to underestimate Cora too. Not that I don't ultimately expect a lot of her, but she is not knocking down goals left and right. Things for her are happening pretty slowly. Sometimes that is hard, so it's important to keep goals intact.

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  2. I can totally relate. I don't try to underestimate my son, but yet I do. He is always surprising me and accomplishing more than I thought he would. Educationally I don't do it as much any more becuse he started sight reading at age 3, and we are now actively nurtuing that, but after reading your post, I realized we are socially underestimating him. He behaves OK at school but not at home. I am betting it is because we are underestimating him. Thanks for opening my eyes!

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    1. Wow! I wish Hailey would decide to sight read! We use BrillKids and she is increasing her vocabulary, but doesn't seem to be interested in the written words! I think I underestimate my typical kids some, too :-)

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  3. This is such a wonderful post to read. We hope we can help others realize what a wonderful future our kids have - sure there are bumps in the road - but EVERYONE has bumps in the road. Thank you so much for the kind words. I cant wait to follow Hailey for the next 20 years!

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    1. I can't wait to see the journey Hailey leads us on! I've encountered so much more than I ever realized and it has only been 2 years :-) Thank you for showing me that there is so much more out there for Hailey and all her friends than I realized!

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  4. I read Leah's post first, soI pretty much commented the same over there. But I really feel like Kamdyn is constantly showing me what she can do. She started ahowing interest in putting her own clothes on, so I have stated handing them to her to put on. She needs help with certain things, but she wants to do it, and if I don't let we, I squelch that desire. That's a trivial example, but I think he same thing will apply as she gets older. I need to know when to help and when to back off.

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    1. It is such a fine line that I think we all struggle with it!

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  5. Excellent post! I know I have been guilty of underestimating Russell's abilities in the past, it's hard in the beginning not to let the words Down syndrome scare you. But our kids are capable of so much, and the young lady you spoke about above proves that. Loved reading this.

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  6. I have loved reading blogs about kids older than my one-year old, including yours! Reading about Alex has been the most inspiring and I will aim for the stars with my son! I so enjoy reading about your Hailey--she's such a cutie!

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    1. Thank you!! She is so cute and yet so rotten :-) When Hailey was a baby, it did my heart and soul so much good to read about older children with Ds. It put so many fears to rest!

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  7. Ah, I bet you never expected Hailey to be a stripping toddler! I love her hair :) This is a great post , Michelle. Are we underestimating or are we putting too much pressure. I never know the answer. I think that it is good to allow our kids to show us, but to then push them a little.

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    1. Stripping...standing at the top of slides....ER trips...so many things I wished we would have skipped :-)

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  8. I'm super excited about Ben's future too! Love her hair too!

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