Well, the holidays are over. Everyone is back to work and to school. Christmas is packed away, gifts have found their new homes, parties are over, and life is back to a schedule (well....somewhat!).
In the new year, I'm trying to look forward, not back. I harbor so much guilt for the way Hailey's first few weeks were filled with sadness. There are nights that I am almost sob because I'm so ashamed that I didn't celebrate my daughter more. I know the feelings were "normal" and "accepted" but to me they are not. My daughter is a blessing and a miracle, just as my boys are. The boys were welcomed with tears of joy and Hailey was greeted with tears of sadness, fear and utter heartbreak. I want a do-over! I want to replay her birth (minus the pain, of course) and welcome her the way a child should be...with smiles, congratulations, gratefulness, and happiness. Since it is quite evident that cannot be done. We are looking forward to the future and living in the present. I'm trying hard to not look too far into the future. No one knows what life will look like for Hailey at 10, 16, 18, 21, etc. No one knows what that future holds so there is no point in borrowing trouble from what I think "might" happen or how life "might" be. We are going to celebrate the today's of the year!
I'm also trying to learn more about photography...that means not living life in just "automatic" mode and trying to take a picture every day (I think I have been doing that since Hailey was born though). I failed at the first week's challenge but maybe I will get the hang of it next week.
I thought I would share today's pics. This is what life looks like for a 10 month old who is partied out, her brothers are back in school and life is back on schedule...poor thing! Looks rough, doesn't she? I'm sure she won't like me later in life for these :-)