You don't realize how many hopes and dreams you place on your unborn child until they are taken away. With just sentence, all those questions and hopes were gone...vanished. "Your daughter has several physical markers that lead me to believe she has Down syndrome." Just like that, they were gone. No dates, no college, no marriage, no babies. In my heart, they were all gone. To even go so far as to question whether or not she was worthy of the name we had chosen for her. I had lost all hopes and dreams for her. They hurt too much. I still occasionally get sad over Hailey never experiencing the love I feel for my children. To never be a mother.
Slowly, I dealt with Down syndrome and what I couldn't deal with I shelved. It could wait, we had an impeding open heart surgery and heart failure to go through first. The only dreams I had during that time was getting to the other side of open heart surgery. To see her dimpled grin...to hear her laugh. To get her to her first Halloween, her first Thanksgiving, her first Christmas, her first birthday. The dreams were small to most and they were short term. None of them were too far into the future. It hurt too much to think ahead. I was afraid that future wouldn't exist.
Open heart surgery came and she rocked it. Days passed...weeks went by...milestones were met. I learned more about Down syndrome and capabilities. More importantly, I truly met my daughter. I saw her...the person. Her strengths, her weaknesses, her spunk, her charm, her sense of humor, her curiosity. I underestimated her. Without realizing it, I began to dream again. I have hopes for her future...dreams...some are the same as the old and some are new.
No one knows what the future holds for our little girl, but it is nice to dream again. Little Hurricane has her entire life in front of her. I can't wait to see what her dreams are!
|Hi dear friend, how have you been?|
|See what I can do?|
|What do you mean, I'm not supposed to have this?!|
|You have to catch me first!|