The Hailey Herald

The Hailey Herald

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Hard to Look Away

Last week, I stumbled upon a chat on a message board  that I wished I had never seen.  I wish I could erase it from my memory...but we all know it doesn't work that way.  It has weighed heavy on my heart ever since.  It was a support post about women who had found out their unborn babies were less than perfect and they were terminating their pregnancy.  The majority of the "imperfections" were trisomy 21, Down syndrome.  My heart broke.  I should have closed it the moment I realized what it was.  I knew better.  I couldn't.  I read it all.

I have always been against abortion.  It was one of the reasons we chose not to have any testing while we were pregnant with any of our children.  We would have never considered terminating any of our pregnancies.  We never felt it was our place to put value on a life and decide whether a child enters the world.  We felt every pregnancy was a gift and it was our responsibility to preserve that gift.  On the other hand, I'm not judging the women that chose to terminate their pregnancies.  I wasn't placed on earth to be their judge and jury.  Yes, I was heart-broken with the number of women in that conversation that did decide to terminate their pregnancies due to prenatal testing and the news that their child had trisomy 21.  The part that struck me the most was their reasons for terminating.  They weren't crazy thoughts...they might have been a little irrational...they were typical feelings that many parents have had when presented with the news that their child is less than the "perfect" that we dream of.

"I don't want my child to suffer."
"I don't want to burden my other children."
"I am not strong enough."
"What will happen to my child after I pass?"
"I don't know how to handle a child with special needs."
"What if he/she has other medical problems."

Heck, most of these questions/concerns are made by all parents.  No one knows what the future holds.  No one knows what will happen with our children that were born "perfect".

I just can't imagine feeling so strongly about any of these concerns that would make me want to end a pregnancy.  I wonder if any of these women would have felt differently, if they had met some of the fabulous children with Down syndrome and their parents.  Some of the fabulous self advocates with Down syndrome.  The beautiful faces of the Buddy Walk video that airs in Times Square.  The normalcy of our lives.  The typical toddler behaviors that Hailey exhibits every day.  The joy her smile brings to every person she shares it with.  If they saw the love my boys show for their little sister.  If they saw the love that my husband and I have for Hailey.  If they saw the dimpled, mischievous grin that I see every day.  The deep belly laugh I hear when she thinks she is funny.  The love I feel when she wraps those tiny arms around my neck, plants that wet open mouth kiss on my cheek and then says mama. 

The chat that I stumbled upon broke my heart on so many levels.  It made me sad that those little ones were never given the chance at life.  It makes me sad that those mothers felt so strongly about the unknown and the life they "didn't think" they could handle that they chose to terminate.  It disappoints me that because of this type of thinking there might be fewer and fewer people with Down syndrome born.  It upsets me because these actions might one day have my daughter questioning her worth.  Lastly, it makes my heart hurt that those mothers will never feel the joy and love that I receive from my absolutely PERFECT daughter!

What...I'm not supposed to have these?

Hmmm...mom can carry the little one to bed, dad...you're on your own!

Shhhh...don't tell the boys.  I just want to play one round.

What do you mean my hair is a mess & I have food hanging out of my mouth?
My family thinks I am awesome!

Who could resist this face?


That chat I stumbled upon reaffirms why I blog and advocate for my child and all people with Down syndrome.  It is the reason I will never stop.  It is not realistic to think that we can change the opinions of everyone, but we certainly won't give up and we will certainly try!

13 comments:

  1. I have spent time lurking on the same message board ... it breaks my heart every time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's like a train-wreck...I hate that I read it all. I really is so heart-breaking. It is so hard to shake, too!

      Delete
  2. yuck, I am a glutton for punishment and read the hurtful comments like I cannot control my eyes to look away. Keep advocating momma! You and Hailey will make a difference :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shannon, I pray that all of our advocating does make a difference eventually!

      Delete
  3. Wow, well said - keep writing, you're amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aw, that last picture is adorable! Excellent post, I feel the same way. It's sad that the fear of the unknown stops people from giving their child life...These people are truly missing out on a wonderful gift.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! They will never truly experience what we have!

      Delete
  5. I have not had the guts for that. Not ready to read it all. I know it's there, and that's enough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Save yourself the pain. I really did stumble upon it...I wish I hadn't! Honestly, it is a heartache that I won't get rid of easily (even though we all knew it was there before).

      Delete
  6. Very, very sad indeed! I wonder sometimes if they would change their minds if only they'd met our children. I understand fears, but no child's life is guaranteed to be easy. Well written, once again.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yes, this is why we do what we do. We open our hearts to the world, so they might see what we see when we look at our children. Thank you for this post.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think I know what site you are talking about and I've lurked there too. I always snuggle Ben a little tighter after reading some of those stories. We are truly the lucky ones!

    ReplyDelete