The Hailey Herald

The Hailey Herald

Friday, October 12, 2012

31 for 21: But What Do We Tell Her Brothers?

Receiving a birth diagnosis, can be an out-of-body experience?  I could see myself in the hospital with my husband and the doctor, but I didn't "feel" like it was really happening.  The emotion and questions come so fast and so powerful.  In a two minute time-span, I truly believe that that 500 emotions, fears, and questions went ripping through my body.  How we remember anything from those first 24 hours is beyond me.

Most of the questions we asked during that time have been answered since Hailey has been with us....how do we care for her?  what do we do?  who do we talk to? etc...I think you get the picture.  Then there were the questions that we may never have answers to...what will her future look like?  will we outlive her? etc.  Let's not forget about the irrational ones...can we still name her Hailey?  What?

We had several questions that centered around the other two important people in our lives...our boys.  How do we tell them about Down syndrome?  How will Down syndrome affect them?  How can we do this to them...actually this one is irrational now that I think about it?

I'm going to be honest.  I seriously don't think our boys would have even asked about anything if we wouldn't have told them.  We didn't tell them that she even had Down syndrome until November of last year...9 months after she was born.  We were on our way to a new parent dinner with our Down syndrome association.  I figured they might ask what DS was since it would have been said several times through dinner.  She is their sister.  They know nothing else.  It doesn't bother them that she does things slower.  It doesn't bother them that she has therapies.  She exercises and practices.  We tell the boys that you don't get better at sports if you don't practice.  That is what Hailey's therapies are doing for her.  Helping her get better at accomplishing things.

They know that their sister is:

Sneaky...here she is hiding around the corner because she grabbed one of their token necklaces that she knows she shouldn't have.


Persuasive...the look she gives them when they tell her no or she is begging for something.


Annoying...she climbs on this boy 24/7.



Attention seeking...if yelling at them doesn't work, she climbs on them to get their attention.


Loving...they know that their sister loves them more than anything in the world and the feeling is mutual.

My daughter having Down syndrome did not take anything away from the boys.  She has enriched their lives.  She is the annoying little sister that I'm sure will bug them until the day they move out (and probably beyond!).  They are learning about a whole new world.  They are learning we celebrate big and little milestones.  They are learning to be more compassionate.  They are learning what can be achieved with hard work and persistence. 

Just another way that Hailey is a perfect fit for our family.  The boys love their little sister to the moon and back.  Her smiles and giggles prove she feels the same about them!

Check out some favorite posts this week from other bloggers!

8 comments:

  1. So cute! I still haven't 'explained' it to Eden. Not sure she would really understand it yet at 4. It doesn't really matter right now anyway. There would be no difference in how she treats him. Wouldn't that be nice if that were true for everyone for all of Wyatt's life? And btw - we have those same shoes AND pink hoodie for Eden lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think the boys still understand it...it just is. We are starting to explain it more to my 9 year old but that is due to other ignorant parents. The kid on his bus said, "Down syndrome people are retards."...that is what drives me crazy!

      Delete
  2. This totally made me cry. Really beautiful post and so freaking sweet. My only child producing uterus hurts just a little.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to make you hurt a little...there is nothing sweeter than watching her with her brothers!

      Delete
  3. Colin also knows that Ben has Ds but he doesn't understand what that means. Loved this post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, DS will always mean something different to these boys than the general population because they love someone so deeply with it!

      Delete
  4. My girls really didnt get what Ds meant until Avery was older and they were older to...im getting the questions now..where i never got them before they were ok with the simple sentence of Avery has down syndrome and just knew that she needed more work bc it took her longer to accomplish things..but know i get why she got it...how she got it..and I notice them watching older kids and adults who have Ds at like the Buddy walk too..but they get it..i just had a talk with them about why we do awareness in Oct..and how most people have an abortion when they found out there baby has Ds..and they couldnt understand they said they wouldnt want Avery any other way..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are getting more issues and questions from my oldest, but still not a lot yet. I figure we will get a ton with my 5 yr old as he gets older because he is very inquisitive.

      Delete