The Hailey Herald

The Hailey Herald

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

31 for 21: Prenatal Testing

Recently, I was asked in hindsight do I wish I would have consented to prenatal testing.  It is a question my husband and I have asked ourselves more than once since receiving Hailey's diagnosis.  My thoughts always end up going around in a complete circle.  With all 3 children, we took the same approach.  We declined all testing unless the doctor thought it was medically necessary.  Our minds were made up that regardless of what a test told us, we would still carry our baby until he or she decided to make their arrival.  There was never a thought of abortion with either of us.

My pregnancy with Hailey was different the boys'.  I had complications of some sort with both of the boys.  With my oldest, I had extremely high blood pressure.  With my middle child, I had very low fluid and we delivered him with an emergency c-section.  None of that came to play with Hailey.  I exercised up until it was too bitter cold to go outside and most fitness classes were too uncomfortable.  My blood pressure never spiked...fluid levels were always good.  My weight gain was good to low.  There were no red flags.  I have always enjoyed being pregnant and might have enjoyed hers the most.  I felt good.

I'm afraid if we would have agreed to prenatal testing, that it would have taken away that ignorance bliss.  I'm a worrier...I'm a control freak.  Knowing midway or earlier in my pregnancy would have had my nerves fried and my stress level off the charts.  I would have spent sleeping hours scouring the internet for information.  I would have freaked out over every possible medical complication she could have had.  I more than likely would have had a repeat c-section.  I recovered much quicker delivering naturally than I would have from a c-section. 

The positives to having the prenatal testing...yes, we would probably have known about Hailey's heart defect and been prepared if complications arose during labor.  Most of my tears would have been shed and we could have celebrated Hailey's birth more than cried over the loss we felt.  The feeling of being blind-sighted would have been lifted and a plan would have been in place.

So...with hindsight generally 20/20...I still have no clear cut answer.  I still don't think we would have wanted to know that early into the pregnancy.  I enjoyed my pregnancy.  I truly believe the only way prenatal testing would have worked for my personality would have been if we could have found out about 2 weeks before her delivery (Definitely not realistic!).  Not too much time that I worried for 20+ weeks and the entire pregnancy was filled with sadness and worry.  Just enough time to take the edge off and some research could have been finished.





I think the big difference for me was that getting the diagnosis post-delivery, I had a baby there to bond with.  I could hold her, talk to her, sing to her.  She wrapped her little fingers around mine.  She snuggled up against me.  I could breathe in that sweet baby smell and feel her heart beat against my chest.  

Even though we had sadness at her birth and it took this mom a little to bond with her little girl.  I wouldn't go back to change it.  That's the route we took and it was the route we were meant to take!

10 comments:

  1. It was exactly the same way for us. I had no prenatal testing, and it wouldn't have changed the outcome. Plus, my pregnancy was really easy, and I loved every minute of it! Well, except the sciatica and heartburn... Glad to hear the same story from someone else!

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    1. I could have been happier without nausea :-)

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  2. It was the same way with me also...i declined all prenatal testing and nothing showed up on our ultrasound..and i had a great pregnancy and really enjoyed it...If i could go back i still wouldnt get the testing..After i had Avery I got pregnant with my twins and my dr was really pushing me to get some extra testing done but i declined them all..and she looked at me like i was crazy but i didnt want to know..but i was def more prepared at the labor that something could be wrong and didnt let my guard down for awhile after..

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    1. If for some crazy reason we would ever have another, the only thing I would want to know is about the heart. Everything else, I wouldn't care!

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  3. I am a control freak too and I think if I would have known ahead of time, I, too, would have worried and stressed out the whole time. I agree that having a baby to bond with afterwards helps in dealing with the diagnosis. I do sometimes wonder, though, what my emotions and feelings would have been if I had a prenatal diagnosis.

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    1. I'm way too OCD type A personality! I would have been committed by the time she was born!

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  4. Those tiny Hailey pictures are beautiful. Hard to believe she was ever that little ! And I agree. I think that having the baby there to love goes very far in getting over the feelings of grief and loss. All of the worries with none of the joy doesn't seem like a great way to go. But knowing that I know now, and knowing that if I were to find out with a future pregnancy I think it'd be fine. Because I wouldn't grieve, knowing what I know now.

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    1. No, I wouldn't have grieved if I knew what I know now...hindsight is always 20/20!

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  5. We waited it out for a Ds diagnosis and had a definitive ACC diagnosis before Ben was born. It isn't that bad to know beforehand. There was a lot of crying at first. Then a lot of researching. More crying. And then acceptance. I didn't really fall in love with Colin or Ben until after they were born. But with every kick and with every ultrasound I felt so connected to Ben. I didn't want him to have disabilities but I truly felt he was meant to be here. I do think that maternal love allows us all to cope with the situation whether it be a prenatal or postnatal diagnosis.

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  6. I'm so glad you wrote about this. I find myself thinking and wondering the same thing ... would I do it differently? And I still get the question from friends sometimes: did you know ahead of time? We did do blood tests, they came back with odds of 1:19 for Down syndrome. Opted not to do the amnio and just waited it out. I agree that finding out 2 weeks before delivery would be just about right. Then some of that initial grief would be done, the mom would have some information about what Down syndrome is, and she'd just be so glad to meet the baby - FINALLY. :)

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