Enough

After the "newness" of Hailey having Down syndrome wore off, I was overcome by a new fear.  Not that my daughter was broken or that there was anything wrong with her.  I wasn't worried about her being good enough for our family, but concerned about me.  What if I wasn't good enough for my daughter?  What if I couldn't do what is best for her?  What if she needed someone stronger?  What if she needed someone with more background with children with special needs?  What if we can't give her everything she needs?  What if she needed a mom with more patience?  What if she needed to be an only child?  Was I enough?

Occasionally, over the past few years, Those fears come back.  Are we doing enough for her?  Do we need to push her harder? Are we getting her involved in enough activities?  Do we need to do more?  Should we do more flashcards, should we get outside more, do we need more playdates?  Do we need more formal therapy?  The list goes on and on and on.

These questions come on a slippery slope.  If I let them consume me, they can lead me down a path of depression and despair.  It can take a hold of your soul and not let go.  It can make you feel useless.  It can make you feel unworthy.  Fortunately, I have a fabulous support group, both locally and in the cyber world.

These wonderful moms and women have assured me I am enough.  God chose Hailey to join this family.  This family with a mom who is borderline OCD (good news, Hailey does know how to unload the dishwasher and clean up a mess :-), a dad who has a job that involves some traveling and long hours, and two brothers who "need" to play a sport every season.  We are a family unit, everyone's time and interests are taken into consideration.  Each child has a role.  Each child gets their time.  No one child dictates all the free time of the rest of the family.  They are all equal.  We do what works for our family as a whole.   There is no right or wrong answer.  There is no right or wrong approach to therapy.  We do our best.  That is enough because it is all we can do.

So the answer is...Yes, I am enough for Hailey.

I have no good pics to share today, but here are a couple from last week.  We were at the high school and she was quite animated and telling me a some long story.