Did Hailey having Down syndrome affect the number of children we decided to have? I have had several people insinuate that Hailey is the last because she has Down syndrome. The answer to that question is a loud, clear, firm "NO". We were planning on Hailey being our last child regardless of green hair, brown eyes, boy or girl, Down syndrome or not. When we thought about having #3, we were on the fence. We loved the boys, but weren't quite sure if our family was complete. We left the decision up to God. We were blessed with a pregnancy right away and saw that as our sign that our family wasn't complete. With me being 35, we were very reserved with sharing our news. We were excited but guarded. I'm not sure why.
About 9 weeks into the pregnancy, I started having symptoms of a miscarriage. It, of course, was a Sunday (none of my stuff ever happens during office hours). I stayed at home and watched TV, trying not to let the boys know how upset I was. Jason thought I was over reacting, but I knew. I had horrible morning sickness up until that point and that morning I woke up with all of it gone. Not a trace. We went into the office at 7:30 the next morning and had the tech confirm that there was no heartbeat. I saw more pregnant women leaving that office that day than I think I ever have in my life! After a few days, my body took care of the miscarriage, but it left my heart empty and hurt.
We had so many discussions after that. We were both on the same page that we were positive that we wanted another baby this time, but neither of us could handle another miscarriage. The emotions were so raw. The heartache to real and too fresh. Well, the next time happened as quick as the first so we didn't have much time to change our minds. We had an early ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy (due to miscarrying the time before). When we first started the tech looked at me and asked "have you had any issues, spotting, cramping?". Jason and I exchanged looks and I started to cry. I responded, "No, why?" I was fully expecting her to tell us that the pregnancy wasn't viable or something. Her comment, "Oh, no reason. I just didn't know why you were in here." Rage set in at the moment. I wanted to scream at her. Filter, people....read a chart! Then, on the screen, there it was....our little peanut with a strong beating heart. I cried for what seemed like forever. There is was...my last child. I held my breath most of her pregnancy. I was so fearful that I was going to lose her. So paranoid that it was going to end. I had zero reason to have those fears (other than my previous miscarriage). I was more fit than I had been with the previous pregnancies...I was healthier than I had been before and I felt better than I had before. That last pregnancy was exactly how I want to remember being pregnant.
We had every intention of Hailey being our last child....that was all decided well before we even knew she had Down syndrome. We have never wavered on that. Trust me...this one is giving me a run for my money...I'm too old to chase after another one after her!!!
I had to share this picture of Hailey from tonight at Target. I was "that" mother. Yes, she is in her pjs (no one noticed. Everyone complimented her on her outfit). No, she doesn't have shoes on (thought we had a pair in the car). Yes, we are shopping for shoes (would you expect anything else?) That smile happened right after I agreed to buy her a pair of sparkly shoes!