Why Blogging?

It started when Hailey was first born.  Everyone called.  Everyone cared.  Everyone was worried.  I couldn't deal with it.  If people came to visit, I had no choice.  I had to talk to them.  If they called....I had choices.  I could text...I could email.  I didn't have to "face" anyone.  They didn't have to see my sadness...they didn't have to see my tears...they didn't have to see my fear.  I, on the other hand, didn't have to see their pity...their worry...their sadness.  It was easier for me.  I could hide, so to speak.  I couldn't emotionally deal with it.  I was drained.  I was with Hailey every minute I could in the NICU trying to bond with this little girl that I didn't quite feel like was mine.  She wasn't what I dreamed of.  I would then head home and try to keep a normal life for the boys.  You see, they didn't know what Down syndrome was.  We weren't sure how to explain something to them that we didn't fully understand ourselves.  All they truly understood was that the baby sister they had been waiting for wasn't home.  I couldn't emotionally deal with any more.  That is when I created the "Daily Hailey".  It was a brief update of our little peanut with a daily snapshot (or two).  She had quite the following.  I think we were emailing about 40 people by the time she was released from the NICU.

Then on St. Patrick's Day, she was diagnosed with her heart defect.  I decided then to post my daily updates on the Children's hospital CarePages.  I kept this up through her open heart surgery and 2 month follow up with cardiology.  After we were given a clean bill of health, I decided we didn't need to keep updating on there because for medical purposes, Hailey was no longer "sick".

So....I started blogging.  It is an outlet for me.  A way to get feelings out and work through thoughts.  Some of our families read my blog, some friends and then some wonderful people I have met because we have something fabulous in common....our children sport designer genes.  I sometimes forget that I have family and friends reading my blog.  Sometimes it embarrasses me because I write things that I wouldn't always say outside.  I bare a part of my soul that I would otherwise hide to the world.  I hope that if that changes their opinion of me, that it is for the better :-)  I also use Hailey's blog as a journal.  To see how far our little girl has come...to see how far her family has come.

I also hope that through my blog, I might help change opinions of Down syndrome.  What it really is...what it really isn't.  My hope is also to help reassure any parent who has just received the diagnosis of DS or a heart defect, that life will be normal and wonderful!  Maybe even sooner than they expect!

The reason for it all