The Future in the Giant Brown Envelope (31 for 21)

It sits in the "to deal with" pile of paperwork by the phone.  It rests in a large brown folder that is nice and thick.  The sight of it makes my heart race and my palms sweat.  It takes all the air from my lungs.  This might seem like an exaggeration to some, but not to me.  What resides in that large, looming envelope is Hailey's paperwork for preschool.  We have our first transition meeting for preschool the week of Thanksgiving.  Just having it on our calendar is causing me to lose sleep at night.  I know it is the natural progression of the system to have your child leave early intervention at 3 and start preschool immediately.  I know, socially, the girl is ready!  She would have started at 2 if we would have let her.  She loves to learn and she loves to participate.

I don't worry about Hailey separating from me.  She waves "good-bye" enthusiastically when I leave her at child watch at the YMCA.  Some days when I go to pick her up, she waves again as in "I'm staying here, see ya later!"  At Kindermusik, Little Miss would rather sing a song on the teacher's lap than her mom's.  Yes, it makes me sad, but I also lover to watch her work a room.

I have so many emotions going on right now.  Some of it is because she has Ds and some of it is because she is my baby....my last baby.  Why am I nervous because she has Ds?  I'm not ready for the world of special education, resource staff, IEP (individualized education plans), teacher meetings, aides, her schoolwork looking "different", mean kids and people judging my daughter.  It is a scary world and one I've never entered before.  When I was in school, you never saw students with special needs.  They spent the entire day, every day holed up in one room just them.  I hope that isn't the case with Hailey.  Our goal is the least restrictive environment for her.  It looks different for each child.  We will just have to see what it looks like for Hailey.  We truly won't know until school starts and she is in that environment.

How will children perceive her?  Will she listen to the teacher?  Will she pull a "limp monkey" when walking to recess?  Definition of limp monkey:  While walking with Hailey holding her hand, she will spot something she wants to look at (not in the direction you are going), raise her legs off the ground and go limp.  (One of these days, she will dislocate her shoulder doing this!)  Will she be too rough with other kids (the boys wrestle a little "too" much with her sometimes)?  Will children not play with her because they can't understand her?  Will some children make fun of her?  Will the teacher has enough patience for her "lack of focus" somedays?  Will they truly "see" what we see in Hailey?

I feel like I can protect Hailey while she is home with me.  I can shield her from the unknown.  Letting her go to preschool is a step towards her future, but it scares me beyond words!

How is it possible that she is ready for school?